Did it ever happen to you that you sat next to somebody in an event and you do not know how to start the conversation? Did you ever find yourself in an awkward situation when you want to have a small talk with a stranger but instead there is a ‘loud’ silence? What if the other party is a potential joint venture party? How do you make sure not to miss this opportunity and start immediately in developing an authentic relationship?
I want you to learn how to overcome shyness or anxiety and be confident and charismatic. Do you want to make effortless conversation with anyone, make friends and build relationship easily?
I dearly believe that to be successful in a small talk you need to be sincere and authentic. Both extrovert people as well as introvert people can learn to be great in holding a small talk, since after all it is about the way you communicate with other people. It is not only about your verbal communication but also your non-verbal communication skills: your care, your empathy, your authentic attention.
I am sure many of you, consider yourself as no-nonsense people, results oriented and don’t see the point of making small talk. Small talk is often seen as conversation that lacks meaning and value, but you do it because that’s the proper thing. Somebody close to me used to define it as ‘meaningless conversation motivated by social politeness’. Well, I couldn’t disagree more with this point of view. So, why small talk does matters?
During my preparation for my new book ‘The Attention Switch’, I understood that people need to learn how best to listen, hear what are the needs and desires of the other person, reflect the feelings of this stranger, and turn these reflections into change-promoting insights. Now, if you learn to use this formula in the right measurement you will be definitely succeed in communicating with anyone, anytime , anywhere, no matter if you like doing it or not.
Enough small talk; let’s go with those ten tips!
1. Make it meaningful
Small talk is an important social skill. It provides a method to ease into a conversation with the other person.
Try to hold your small talk on subjects you care about. This way you will make the discussion meaningful for you and frequently, as a result, for the other person. Focus on an interesting topic and on what is real within you. You’ll make the talk fun even though you keep it small, so you can give your attention to the other person.
2.Listen [not only with your ears]
As I mentioned many times in my blogs and during my trainings and keynotes, when you talk to somebody else, stop thinking and worrying what will you say next and how can you top the other person. Start listening. Active listening – not only with your ears, but with your whole body. Learn how to gauge the impact of what you’re saying by reading bodily cues of the other person, such as eye contact, posture and hand movements. If you do that things will flow more naturally.
3. Restate what you heard
Another way to create empathy with the other person is to restate what you heard or at least what you think you heard. This is a way of giving your attention to the other person and let the other person know that you are present with him. It will also allow the other person to learn if you understood what he/she has shared with you, and correct it, if necessary.
4. See every person as a new opportunity
There is nothing more irritating than if you meet another person and you got to learn that he/she made already a judgment about you. Remember, and based on my own personal experience, people aren’t always what they seem to be when you meet them for the first time. Give every person a chance. Small talk is the right time to see every person as a new opportunity. If you listen carefully, restate what you heard and look for the non- verbal clues, you will be less likely mistakenly judging the other person.
5. Respect different opinion
Many people mistakenly assume automatic similarity with the people they engaged with in a small talk. In other words, they think that also the other person share with them similar opinions. In reality it is not the case. Actually different opinions can create a joyful conversation and you can learn from each other, as long as you respect each other.
6. Keep learning from every interaction
This is one of the most interesting parts of small talk. I want you to assume before interacting with any person you do not know, that also this person is going to teach you something. I assume you agree, that a person you never met before, may have been and visited different places and done different things that you haven’t yet or will never do. Every person you interact with can give you new perspectives, new ideas, new opportunities. You only have to give them your authentic attention and show them you are interested. Moreover, the knowledge you will gain will ultimately make you a more interesting conversationalist as well. Is it a wonderful result of small talk?
7. Enrich your life
Creating for yourself a rich and interesting lifestyle and being familiar with current events, creates content and it helps you engage others. If you don’t have one, it’s time to create it: read, travel, try new things, take on various hobbies, do some charity work and of course, socialize. Not only that this will help your conversations, but it will make your whole life a lot more rewarding as well.
8. Know when not to talk.
You need to have tact. You should develop your own skills to understand when you should respect the other person quietness and keep silence and not talk. This behavior by itself can open the other person in a certain moment to start a small talk with you.
It happens to me many times during flights. Flying time is really the best moments I save for myself with myself. Sometimes I can engage with my seat neighbor in a very interesting conversation and sometimes I keep myself amused by reading or writing and prefer not to be disturbed.
9. Put people at ease.
Avoid attempting to teach, preach or impress the other person. If you want to develop a small talk you need to make people feel comfortable, allow them to relax and enjoy a casual conversation with you.
10. Next station
Last but not least, keep in mind that small talk is not a destination. It’s just a temporary station. Your goal is to make the interaction with the other person joyful and interesting, so both of you want to move the conversation to deeper and more personal topics – the ‘big talk’, where a strong bond between two of you will be created
Remember that small talk can lead to a connection. Small talk lays the groundwork for a connection. Small talk is planting the first seeds of attention in the other person heart and mind. Through eye contact, a friendly tone of voice, and topics that are appealing, you can develop an ever-deepening sense of relatedness and connection.
I am aware of the fact that meeting new people and having to make small talk isn’t everyone’s favorite pastime, but if you follow these simple tips, you will find yourself enjoying the interaction and developing meaningful relationship with others, whether you are extrovert or introvert person.
Do you want to learn more how to develop a small talk and connecting with others to gain more business and better relationships?Contact me to find out!